Musings
Sunday, 23 September 2007
I heard an excellent sermon at church last Sunday morning, on the subject of suffering. It got me thinking about the world's response to suffering, and the ways in which we can (and do) alleviate, ignore or exacerbate it when it affects other people. In common with a large number of people, I have been following the McCann saga since the summer, and it seems to me that there are many who are deliberately heaping extra suffering on poor Kate McCann, as if she didn't already have enough to contend with. Unusually, the British press are not the worst culprits in this particular situation; the vilest comments are coming from members of the public, who have seen fit to air their ill-formed opinions across the length and breadth of the Internet in response to the latest 'developments' in the police investigation. The McCanns may have derived some meagre solace last weekend from India Knight's supportive column in the Sunday Times News Review, but the accompanying cross-section of quotes, which can be described in no other way than nasty and unkind, must have broken their hearts just a little bit more, if that's possible at the moment. I expect the same people who are gaily pronouncing the McCanns to be guilty (or, at the very least, unfit parents) before they have been formally accused or charged would think twice about setting fire to a starving African's mud hut or reversing their cars over a paraplegic who had just tumbled out of his wheelchair, so why on earth do they consider it acceptable to hurl mud at this couple who may very well never see their precious daughter again, and are already suffering so much? Such behaviour can serve no other purpose than to increase their tremendous sadness, and it escapes me how people can possibly justify such deliberate infliction of hurt on others. Yet thoughtlessness can also wound deeply, while usually going unnoticed by its perpetrator and witnesses. I have a friend who has experienced two miscarriages in the space of six months, and because she and her husband have been married a few years and appear to enjoy the company of children, people understandably make reference to the possibility of their starting a family soon, often in front of others and usually in a cheerful and optimistic manner. Trying to stay positive is, I'm sure, a far better option than lying awake at night panicking that you are destined for years of unexplained infertility, but on the other hand there is only one response you can really offer to the question 'So, when are you two going to start having children?', and it's not the honest one. And in responding by cracking some faux-chirpy joke about being ready for children when she can manage to take care of the dog properly my friend is, for very good reasons, protecting both herself and the person who is cheerfully questioning her from embarrassment, possible tears and the obligation of then talking about the losses she has suffered, but not taking the opportunity to teach the uninformed about the misery of miscarriage. This allows fundamentally nice and kind people to unintentionally hurt her, and, crucially, doesn't allow them the opportunity to recognise that they have inadvertently added to her suffering, or the chance to pause before quizzing someone else on the same potentially sensitive subject. I have another friend who struggles with depression, and who is an inspiration to me because of her open and honest approach to dealing with it on a day-to-day basis. Her willingness to share and to educate others about the difficulties she and many others in the same position face in their lives has challenged me a great deal in recent months. The experiences of both friends, and their respective methods of dealing with their different issues, have definitely made me far more aware of the way in which I relate to others; instead of enquiring 'Y'alright?' in a cheery sing-song manner when I encounter a friend, a question which demands a succinct and breezy reply irrespective of how terrible life might be at the moment for the person I'm talking to, I hope I now remember to at least leave room for the possibility that they may be struggling in some way, and to offer the opportunity of comfort if it's needed. As for how to alleviate the suffering of others, that's a lot more difficult than simply refraining from adding to someone's misery. But surely we should be aiming to do it, difficult or not. Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we all tried to lighten each others' burdens in some small way rather than ignoring or adding to them? I strongly believe we should demonstrate compassion for those experiencing suffering, and be sensitive to the ways in which we relate to and care for them. Jesus Christ famously subscribed to this view, and surely His should be a good enough example for all of us to follow.
posted by fiona @ 14:17
